“Squatter – noun – a person who unlawfully occupies an uninhabited building or unused land.”
Question: Is it squatting if that person/thing is inhabiting an inhabited building?
I submit that it qualifies.
We have some squatters. A woodpecker family.
Our foray into the realm of illegal habitation started last year, when a woodpecker decided to start pecking at our house. He made a nice sized hole that took him, somehow, into our attic.
Lucky for us and unlucky for him, he didn’t make it directly into the attic but to where the attic’s exhaust fan is.
He never made it out.
Fast forward to this year. The hole is gone; our house is lovely and bird free. You would have thought the neighboring woodpeckers learned from the mistakes of their brother – Matt and Erin’s house is a death trap! DON’T. PECK. THERE.
But no. They didn’t.
And apparently they’ve smartened up since last winter/spring.
This huge woodpecker (let’s call him Woodrow – because I like history and Woody is too cliche) entered our domain in January – and we were none too happy. Matt borrows a BB gun from a friend…and it WAS a BB gun…but it looked like an AK-47. He was intent on doing war with Woodrow. If he came
pecking knocking, Matt was trying to sight him and get rid of him. He only got two shots off when we figured we probably shouldn’t be shooting this thing that looks like an AK in a residential zone.
You know. Safety and stuff.
So, Woodrow got in. His hole is big. (Silly cedar siding – why must you be so durable and peckable all at the same time???) And he lovingly made a nest for his mate to lay eggs in.
Which she did.
And they’ve hatched.
The nest is located between the siding and the drywall on the second story in the bathroom. Over the toilet.
If you were taking a shower when Woodrow was working on his hole, you could hear it. Now, NOW you hear something else entirely.
Munchkin heard the cheeps for the first time on Saturday. “Oh, Mommy! The woodpecker had babies and they are saying hi to me! Hello babies! You are so cute! ”
Meanwhile, I am having a different conversation with the birds in my head.
The sounds. Oh, the sounds!!!!
I like a good Hitchcock film, and I’ve seen a lot of them. I have not seen The Birds.
I’ve got a pretty good idea how people who suffer from Ornithophobia (I looked it up) feel. I hear chirping and that’s doable. Its the flapping in the walls that is freaky. I mean – I really don’t need to watch The Birds ever. I’m living it! My bathroom is now Hitchcockian domain! As soon as those babies have flown the nest, that hole is disappearing.
And we will be putting up a sign that reads:
Squatters are NOT welcome here!!!
That’ll work, right?
On a good note, at least they aren’t owls. Then the freaky flapping would be happening at night. And that WOULD be freaky.